Wonder and Wild Desire Page 14

  Hearing his breathing become labored, she snatched her hands away and saw deep anger darkening his face. Fear stiffened her as he gripped her arms so roughly that a cry was wrenched from her. She thought he would fling her aside or shake her, but he seemed to gain control of himself and pushed her from his lap, allowing her to gain her balance and stand.

  "Don't," he said warningly, "decide to throw the emeralds back at me as you did the mink. I won't put up with any more tantrums, Carrie."

  Crushed by the bitterness in the words, she did not even have the strength to argue. The anger drained out of her as she stared down at him, feeling a resurgence of the nausea that had been plaguing her in the mornings.

  In that moment she knew with a cold certainty that overcame all her unwillingness and rationalizations that she was carrying Josh's child. This man who looked at her with such contempt had made her pregnant, and now he taunted her with her weakness in giving in to him.

  She hugged herself to stop the shaking. "Good night, Josh."

  She had reached the door before he spoke in a tone that was devoid of expression. "When you are willing to be honest about your feelings, Carrie, come back."

  The door closed with a sharp click behind her.

  Before going down for breakfast the next morning, Carrie dressed in an old shirt and jeans. She had not slept well, and her heart was heavy. In fact, she felt about as faded as her clothing. Not that it mattered how she dressed; Josh had made it plain that his attitude toward her would remain indifferent, no matter what she wore.

  It was almost eight when she entered the dining room, and she was surprised to see Josh just starting breakfast. She had no desire to face him in her present mood, but she had little choice after he looked up and saw her.

  "Good morning, Carrie."

  He said it as if he were amused by the hesitancy in her manner. This thought made her rebellious. He might feel no tenderness for her, but he had married her and this was her home for as long as she remained here. She would not be made to seem an outsider in her own house!

  As she sat down Josh went on. "I hope you slept well."

  "Quite well, thank you." They were silent as Betty came in to serve Carrie.

  When the housekeeper left, Josh's eyes raked over Carrie with an intolerant expression. "I must say you look rather drawn for someone who has had a good night's rest."

  "I haven't put on any makeup yet," said Carrie defensively.

  "It seems the honeymoon is over," said Josh with heavy sarcasm.

  His taunting attitude infuriated her. She lifted her eyes and glared at him. "Honeymoon? Is that what you call these last weeks? Strange, but I would call them something much less romantic than that!"

  His eyes narrowed as he lifted a napkin to his mouth slowly. In his navy suit and white shirt he looked devastatingly attractive. Carrie had a quickly stifled impulse to apologize for what she had just said and to try to take a first step toward a more amiable relationship with him. But the sneer that twisted his lips as the napkin came away stopped her.

  "Are you complaining about the lack of romance in your life? If you are longing for romance, Carrie, it can't be with your husband since you find me so distasteful that, after your flesh is satisfied, you prefer sleeping in a chair to sharing a bed with me."

  "It wasn't—I'm not—" She stopped, furious at the way he always managed to confuse her. How like him to hide his memory of that night following the dinner-dance until he could use it against her. She was sick of being put on the defensive! "Fortunately, you aren't inconvenienced by my attitude. I'm sure Jessica is more than willing to take care of your—needs."

  "Your jealous suspicions are beginning to wear a little thin," he replied levelly. "But since you've brought up Jessica's name—"

  "I just wish we would never have to see her again," Carrie interrupted involuntarily.

  His eyes glittered. "I have no intention of being made to look the fool by my wife's refusal to see an old friend. Do you really think I would insult her because of some whim of yours?" he inquired in a voice that was too calm.

  Carrie forced herself to meet his steely gaze, in spite of the erratic staccato of her heart. "No," she snapped, her eyes wide with anger. "You receive too many benefits from that 'old friendship' to insult Jessica, don't you?"

  With an abrupt, impatient movement, he shoved back his chair and stood. "If you want to fight with me, Carrie," he grated, "do it somewhere else besides the dining room where one of the servants or my mother might overhear us. We will say no more about Jessica." He turned and left the room, going toward the back hall and the garage.

  In an unconscious gesture, Carrie twisted her wedding ring nervously round and round. I'll take some of that arrogance out of him, she vowed, and I won't take any further insults from his mistress.

  Chapter Nine

  Early in January Josh spent three days in Washington on business. He did not ask Carrie to accompany him, and she was both relieved and resentful of his continuing indifference. The day after his return, they celebrated Mike's first birthday with cake, ice cream, and more gifts. Josh was surprisingly indulgent; he even got out his camera and snapped pictures during the family celebration. But he could also be firm, and his manner with Mike told Carrie that as the boy grew older Josh would apply discipline as well as love. As a husband he was impossible, but he was, Carrie admitted grudgingly, a very good father.

  One morning later in the month, Josh surprised her by coming into her bedroom before leaving for work and announcing, "Today would be a good day to show you around the plant, if you care to come down later on."

  It was the first mention he had made of introducing her to the family business since she had expressed an interest weeks before. Contrary to her conviction, he had not dismissed the idea or forgotten it. "Would ten be all right?"

  "Fine. I'll see you then." He left her, and she looked at the closed door with some bewilderment. Would she ever be able to guess what was going on behind his stony face? Shrugging, she settled more comfortably against her pillow and sipped the coffee Gracie had brought up with her breakfast a few minutes earlier. Betty and her niece seemed bent on pampering Carrie, and she was finding that she rather enjoyed a long, leisurely breakfast in bed. In fact, she drew it out as long as possible, for it helped to fill some time in days that were often lonely. She found that she was looking forward to going to the plant.

  Later she dressed warmly in raspberry colored wool slacks and a gray-and-raspberry-striped turtleneck sweater. She wore black leather boots for protection in the deep snow and her heavy white wool coat with a black and white knitted scarf wound snugly around her neck.

  As she drove the Corvette into town she felt good to be going somewhere with a purpose. Turning through the gates into the Revell Corporation's grounds, she was waved ahead by a guard who apparently recognized her. Evidently Josh had left word of her expected arrival.

  Josh's offices were in the largest of the buff-brick office buildings in the southeast corner of the grounds, Carrie entered a large reception area furnished with several leather couches and a walnut desk behind which sat an attractive young woman who looked up and smiled at Carrie.

  "I'm Mrs. Revell. My husband is expecting me."

  The young woman got up and came around the desk, her smile bright. "I'm so happy to meet you. I'm Mr. Revell's secretary, Charlotte Minson. He wanted to be informed the minute you arrived. If you would like to sit down, I'll go and tell him." After they shook hands, she disappeared through a door leading to a carpeted hallway.

  She was back momentarily, followed by Josh. "Come to my office for a minute, Carrie." Carrie felt the . secretary's eyes on them as she preceded Josh down the hall. He directed her into an office at the end.

  It was similar to Kevin Hamilton's office, paneled walls and shag carpeting, but larger and with an adjoining kitchenette that contained a bar, refrigerator, countertop range, microwave oven, and a table with four chairs. "I usually have lunch here," Josh expl
ained. "It's faster and more convenient."

  "Does Charlotte cook for you?" Carrie inquired.

  He laughed. "Charlotte is too liberated for that. I wouldn't risk losing a good secretary by asking her. I fend for myself, although I confess I stock up at the delicatessen frequently."

  Carrie was surprised. "What are you having today?"

  "Chicken salad, relishes, and toasted French bread. The piece de resistance is cheesecake from the local bakery. I was hoping you would join me."

  He apparently intended to spend several hours showing her around, and Carrie was bewildered by his willingness to take so much time from his demanding work. Whatever had brought about this new considerate attitude, she much preferred it to the open antagonism that usually characterized their times together. "That sounds very nice."

  She had been examining the microwave oven, and when she turned back to him, he was contemplating her with a musing look. He said briskly, "We're going to see the sawmill first. Ready?"

  It took more than three hours to tour the sawmill and the paper mill with Josh. Not surprisingly, he was an extremely knowledgeable and informative guide. What was surprising to Carrie was the patience with which he encouraged her to ask about anything she didn't understand and then provided illuminating replies. In this situation, separate from their personal lives, he seemed almost a different man. She felt more on equal terms with him than at any time since their marriage.

  After their return to his office, Josh insisted that she allow him to prepare their lunch. It amounted to nothing more than popping the food into the microwave oven and placing paper plates and cups on the table, but Carrie found the total lack of self-consciousness with which he moved about the small kitchenette disconcerting. Heretofore she had pictured him as always giving orders and being waited upon.

  The food was good, too, and the cheesecake was as mouthwatering as he had led her to believe. It was the most relaxed time they had ever spent together, and Carrie lingered over the meal, reluctant to have it end.

  "It's considerate of you to take so much time away from your work," she said at one point, "just to satisfy my curiosity."

  "I've enjoyed it," he said, looking as if he were slightly surprised by the admission. "It's gratifying that my wife is so interested in what I do. To tell you the truth, I thought you might be only pretending interest."

  "For what reason?" Carrie asked with astonishment.

  He lifted his shoulders and smiled slightly. "In the interest of some devious female ruse, I suppose."

  Carrie felt herself bridling. "Do you still feel that way?"

  He shook his head. "It's been obvious all morning that your interest is genuine."

  Seeing the meditative look in his eyes, Carrie asked, "Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

  "I haven't known many women who cared for much beyond their creature comforts," he replied tersely.

  "Ethel told me once," Carrie ventured, "that your first wife wasn't interested in the family business."

  Although his position in the chair did not visibly shift, she sensed a sudden tensing of his muscles. "What else did Mother tell you about Helen?"

  Confused by the alertness she now saw in him, Carrie faltered. "Only that she died in Toronto and that she was carrying your child."

  Disappointment clamped over Carrie's heart as she saw the closed look returning to his face. "Mother has no business discussing my past with you." He pushed back his chair and, picking up the used paper plates and cups, walked to the trash can and tossed them in. He stood with his back to her, hands thrust into his trousers pockets.

  "I'm sure she meant no harm, Josh," Carrie said, wishing that she had not mentioned Helen. "She loves you very much, and she's extremely proud of you. She—she was trying to help me understand you a little better."

  He turned then and eyed her carefully. "I didn't know you were interested in understanding me." He ran a hand through his tawny hair. "I'm sorry. You're right. Mother's intentions are always good. It's just that her outlook has been influenced by the protected life she has led."

  Carrie frowned. "I don't understand. If you mean that Ethel is basically optimistic, then that's true, but—"

  "It doesn't matter," Josh interrupted. "I'd prefer not to discuss Helen with you, if you don't mind."

  His curt manner made Carrie feel like an outcast. "Of course. Thank you for lunch. I'd better go now. Mike likes me to put him down for his nap."

  He gave her a long, brooding look, and she thought for a moment that he might be going to ask her to stay a bit longer. But before he could speak there was a knock at the outer office door and Kevin Hamilton's voice reached them. "Josh, your secretary's gone to lunch, so I'm barging in."

  Josh walked into the adjoining office. "Come in, Kevin. We've just finished lunch."

  Kevin advanced into the room and saw Carrie standing in the kitchenette doorway. "Oh, hi, Carrie. I didn't know you were here. I wouldn't have interrupted if I had."

  "I was about to leave, anyway," Carrie told him. She walked to the small closet and took out her coat which Josh had hung there earlier.

  Kevin glanced from Carrie to Josh, clearly uncomfortable about walking in on them. "Josh, I have to go into town and pick up some papers from the attorney, but I left my car in the shop today."

  Carrie, who had been occupied with buttoning her coat, spoke without thinking. "I'm going right through town. You can ride with me and then I can drive you back."

  "That's too much of an imposition," Kevin said. "I thought I might borrow Josh's car."

  Carrie felt Josh's gaze upon her and looked up to meet eyes that were glazed with ice. "I'm sure Carrie would enjoy chauffeuring you, Kevin."

  "Well, uh…" Clearly Kevin did not know what to say. "If you're sure…"

  Carrie was tempted to say there was something she must do in town that she had until now forgotten and that she wouldn't be able to take Kevin after all. But Josh's rigidly angry stance and the way his face had hardened into a scornful mask changed her mind. He was being totally unreasonable in his attitude toward her friendship with Kevin. It must be his own guilty conscience that was bothering him, Carrie thought, her resolve stiffening. Undoubtedly he expected her to behave with the same deceit that he and Jessica employed.

  "It's no trouble at all, Kevin," she said, dragging her gaze from Josh's tense face. "Goodbye, Josh."

  When she got back to the house after returning Kevin to the plant, she found that Miss Hastings had already put Mike to bed. Unwilling to retire to her bedroom, where there was nothing to do but brood over Josh's infuriating shifts in mood, she went in to chat with Ethel.

  The older woman ordered tea for both of them, then settled back on the chaise longue with her knitting to inquire about Carrie's visit to the plant.

  "It was fascinating," Carrie told her truthfully. "I was impressed by the size of the operation. I want to know more about everything, even those copper mines in South Africa." She paused, seeing a wince of pain drift across Ethel's face. "I'm sorry, Mother. I must have reminded you of Danny."

  "It's all right," Ethel assured her. "It's natural that you should be interested in the mines. You must ask Josh to take you to South Africa with him the next time he goes."

  "I'd probably only be in the way," Carrie evaded.

  Ethel's blue eyes widened. "Of course you wouldn't be. I'm sure Josh would be happy to have you accompany him. It's wonderful that you want to go." As usual, Ethel was jumping to optimistic conclusions, but Carrie didn't have the heart to disillusion her. If her marriage were a normal one, she would love traveling to South Africa with her husband. As it was, being forced to live in such close proximity for weeks would only cause more tension between her and Josh.

  Remembering Josh's extreme reaction to her mention of his first wife, Carrie now said, "Helen wasn't interested in the family business, was she? I confess I'm a little curious about her. What was she like?"

  "Oh, my dear, that is difficult to say. She was a l
ovely girl, took a lot of pride in her appearance. She and Josh were a striking couple, both tall and blond. And she was so vital, always on the go. But at times I thought I glimpsed another side to Helen. Wasn't it Twain who said that everybody has a dark side that he never shows to other people? Well, a few times I sensed that in Helen." She blinked and laughed a little uneasily, as if she realized she was saying too much about Josh's first wife. "Josh's father always told me I was too fanciful. I expect he was right." She sat straighter. "I am sure that Helen was the vibrant, lovely woman she appeared to be. Actually, her only real fault—I'm not even sure you could call it a fault—was her refusal to take an interest in Josh's affairs." She frowned slightly. "It made it difficult for him to talk to her about what he did all day, you see. As for you, you want to know about all the areas of Josh's life, and that is as it should be. Married couples should have interests in common, and already there is more of that between you and Josh than there was for him with Helen. You're going to learn about the business, and, of course, there is Mike . "

  All during this rambling discourse, Carrie had felt a protest rising to her lips. She was continually amazed by Ethel's determination to see Josh's marriage in romantic terms. It was true that Carrie was interested in the business and that she shared Josh's devotion to Mike. As for there being more between her and Josh than there had been in Josh's first marriage, that was laughable. He had loved Helen, and his lack of love for Carrie had created a gulf between them that seemed to grow wider with time. It was laughable, only she felt like anything but laughing. In fact, she had to blink rapidly to combat the moisture that was blurring her vision.

  "Why, Carrie, dear, what is it? I've upset you by running on about Helen, haven't I?"

  "No." Carrie brushed at her eyes with one hand and excused herself. "I believe I'll go up and rest for an hour or so."

  "Your visit to the plant must have been too much for you," Ethel said.

  Carrie murmured a vague assent and went upstairs, where, instead of lying down, she paced restlessly like a caged cat. The lessening of strain that she had experienced that morning had completely dissipated and now she felt more tense than ever. She refused dinner when Gracie came up to tell her it was ready and instead cleaned out and rearranged her closet and bureau drawers. She had to keep busy or she would fly apart at the seams. This activity filled the time until after nine, when she decided to seek relaxation in a hot bubble bath, where she languished for the better part of an hour.